A day without sunshine is like, you know, night.
-Steve Martin
I love deadlines. I love the whooshing noise they make as they go by.
-Douglas Adams
Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea.
- Robert A. Heinlein
All God does is watch us and kill us when we get boring. We must never, ever be boring.
- Chuck Palahniuk
I like work: it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
-Jerome K. Jerome
Do not take life too seriously. You will never get out of it alive.
-Elbert Hubbard
You love flowers, but you cut them. You love animals, but you eat them. You tell me you love me, so now I'm scared!
-Anonymous
Dear Math, please grow up and solve your own problems, I'm tired of solving them for you.
-Anonymous
Hate your job? Join our support group! It’s called 'Everybody'. We meet at the bar.
-Drew Carey
Stop the earth from spinning, I want to get off!
-Anonymous
I don't work on weekends, or any other day that ends with "Y".
-Anonymous
There was a robot invented in China that catches thieves. In Australia it caught 10 thieves, in America it caught 100, in France 1000, and in Romania, somebody stole the robot.
-Anonymous
When someone doesn't like something, it's often because they're not familiar with it, or they're too familiar with it.
-Anonymous
I love everyone! I love to be around some people, I love to stay away from others, and some I'd just love to punch right in the face!
-Anonymous
According to Archimedes' principle, what happens when you jump in a bathtub full of water? Answer -' The phone rings.'
-Anonymous
We've all heard that a million monkeys banging on a million typewriters will eventually reproduce the entire works of Shakespeare. Now, thanks to the Internet, we know this is not true.
-Robert Wilensky
Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he’ll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he’ll have to touch it to be sure.
-Anonymous
At every party, there are two kinds of people-those who want to go home and those who don’t. The trouble is, they are usually married to each other.
-Ann Landers
Those people who think they know everything are a great annoyance to those of us who do.
-Isaac Asimov
GROUCHO MARX QUOTES
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
-Groucho Marx
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
-Groucho Marx
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
- Groucho Marx
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
-Groucho Marx
From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.
- Groucho Marx
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
- Groucho Marx
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
-Groucho Marx
I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it.
-Groucho Marx
